I Only Have Myself To Blame
by Blackrose Malfoy
Summary: A second later she apparated away and just like that she was gone. The love of my life, the woman I'd thought I would one day make my wife, was gone; and for that I only had myself to blame. Romione break up fic. One-shot. Written for Utlaga's Ten Times Ten Challenge.


**Hey everyone! This fic was written for Utlaga's Ten Times Ten Challenge: prompt- Distrust.  
**

**This is only my second time writing Romione (and my first time writing a Romione break up fic) so I'd really appreciate it if you could take a minute to review and let me know what you thought. :) Happy reading everyone! **

**********Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything in the Harry Potter universe belongs to J. K. Rowling, Bloomsbury, Scholastic, and Warner Bros (and maybe some others I forgot to mention). If this information is not correct I apologize. (I looked it up to make sure this disclaimer was accurate and that's what I found.) I make no money from this. This (writing fanfiction for the best book series of all time!) is just something I do for fun. (So please don't sue me!)**

I Only Have Myself To Blame

I looked on helplessly as Hermione gathered up the rest of her belongings. It wouldn't be much longer now; soon all of this would be over. The best thing that had ever happened to me was about to end just as quickly as it had begun. I was devastated, but for her sake I didn't show it.

She slowly placed the last of her things in her trunk and at that moment I felt my heart shatter into a million, irreparable pieces. But, because of my undying love for her I still refused to let it show. Instead, I simply gave her a sad smile and asked, "Would you like any help with that last trunk?"

She returned my gesture with a smile of her own; a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. I could tell that in this moment she was just as miserable as I was.

"That's really sweet, Ron, but I can manage," she assured me.

"All right," I said with a nod. I wasn't sure exactly what someone was supposed to do in a situation like this. I'd never lost the love of my life before so I was completely unprepared for how to handle this. I guess I really shouldn't have been so unprepared. After all, it wasn't as if I hadn't seen this coming.

I suppose deep down I had known this was coming for a while now; I just hadn't wanted to admit it. Even if I had admitted it to myself I know there is absolutely nothing I could have done to change this outcome. The damage that caused this had been done long before now; I'd done this damage many years ago.

It was during the war, of that I was sure. It started the moment that I'd left her and Harry alone when I had foolishly and childishly chosen to abandoned the hunt for the Horcruxes. Sure I'd come back, and in the end I'd fought alongside them, but I don't think she'd ever really, truly been able to forgive me for my cowardice.

No, that isn't true. I knew it wasn't the temporary cowardice that she couldn't let go, it was the distrust in me that had developed as a result of the choice I'd made. I really couldn't blame her. After all, how could you ever really completely trust someone who had abandoned you in your time of greatest need? If I been in her position I doubt I would have been able to either.

I had to give her credit though; she really did try to let it go. In fact, she tried for years. I will always respect her for that. But, in the end, I suppose that love just wasn't enough to outweigh the distrust. I guess that sometimes love doesn't conquer all.

Suddenly Hermione rushed forward and threw her arms around me. It wasn't a romantic gesture, more of a final goodbye. Even though we'd agreed that we would still be friends, and I had no doubt in my mind that we would follow through with that promise to each other, it didn't change the fact that no matter what happened we would never be like this again. This was the last time we would ever see each other as lovers. To say it was a depressing moment for us both would have been a vast understatement.

I wrapped my arms around her but I quickly released her and pulled away. If I had held on to her for much longer I doubted I would have been able to ever let her go. I already couldn't let go emotionally; I didn't want to add being unable to let go of her physically to the already extremely long list of things I was incapable of handling at the moment.

And so we stood there staring at each other uncertainly until Hermione found her voice again. "I- I'll be staying at Ginny's for a while so if you need anything…" she trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

"Yeah, okay. I- I'll let you know," I replied awkwardly. I really had no idea what else to say either. I guess there really was nothing left to say. Well, that wasn't true; there was still one thing left that needed to be said.

Hermione took a deep breath and blew out a heavy sigh before she spoke. "Goodbye, Ron," she said. Her voice had been little more than a whisper.

Despite her best efforts to hide the tears that were quickly forming in her eyes I saw them anyway. The mere sight of them made my heart break even more. I didn't want her to hurt, but I knew that matter was something completely out of my control.

I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around her again as I had done only a few moments before. Instead I held my voice steady as I uttered one simple sentence, the one sentence that would seal our fate. "Goodbye, Hermione."

A second later she apparated away and just like that she was gone. The love of my life, the woman I'd thought I would one day make my wife, was gone; and for that I only had myself to blame.


End file.
